Senate Republicans have drafted a law that Donald Trump is expected to sign when he returns to Washington this week, officially making the United States of America a Christian nation. The decision to do so comes after a meeting with religious leaders across the country, during a prayer meeting.
“Every other nation has a national religion except for this one, we’ve bowed to the left for too long on this, and we will not bow any longer,” the president said in an address from his Florida residence.
“America will officially acknowledge that Jesus Christ is our Lord And Savior, and Christianity will be protected across our land.”
The news came as a relief to the faithful, who just knew that America needed this, especially now in these troubled times. “Finally!!” exclaimed Sandy Batt, a Christian Trump-supporting woman from Frog Balls, Arkansas.
“This is what we wanted all along, to be a Christian nation. To have our beliefs forced upon others, and our values will be adhered to!” she continued from her broken-down trailer home.
It appears she’s a very devout woman, especially seeing as she couldn’t imagine going to a place worse than where she lives. This reporter agrees. Arkansas just may be hell on earth.
Making Christianity official in the United States has been a long time coming. American Christians have been trying to implement this for decades and now because of our glorious dear leader Donald Trump it is becoming a reality. He has been the leading cause of Americans going to meet their maker. He proudly has made sure that more Americans than any other have met their death and gone to see Jesus. The man truly cares about his citizens. Or something like that.
For too long America has turned its back on God, and now, with a thrice-married man who’s cheated on every one of his wives, his taxes, cheated employees out of wages, killed nearly 160,000 of our fellow Americans, finally we are now a Christian nation, even if it’s just to pander to a base who hasn’t read a page of the Bible, just like Trump. God bless America.